Eight words to describe how i feel now....
失而复得
得而复失...
damn sad... don't ask me why...
Watched this particular Jap drama recently on youtube. In it, it talks about the love between a teacher and a student. Basically, it reflects how the norm of society affects people as well as their reaction towards it. It also shows how the act of deviance changes across time and space. At that time, which is 1999, the people may not be too receptive toward these “immoral” acts, like teacher-student relationship and sister-brother love as there is an age difference of 10 years. Most people believe that school primarily serves to fulfill many functions such as the exchange of knowledge; however it also has a dysfunctional function of a “mating” ground for students. Furthermore, the problem escalated if it becomes the so call "hunting ground" for teachers who prey on their student.
In the show, many people treats this act more than a deviance, instead it is seen as a conflict crime. Conflict crimes are acts that don’t conform to the norm, and are treated as illegal by the states. However there is often a lack of a widespread consensus as to whether it is really a crime. The female lead (teacher) was caught by the police based on acts of immorality and was further insulted by the people surrounding her after she got out of the jail. However there are also people who defy norm by supporting them and helping them, based on the argument that it is just plain love. In that show, she said something that may be food for thought for many: laws are not there to protect people; it’s just there so that people conform to the norm of society. For example homosexuality may although considered as a crime in Singapore now, however it is not there to protect people from this "immoral act", but just because these acts does not conform to the norm of society. It also deviant from the main function of family, such as to create offspring...
At a more macro level, this show tells and educated people regarding the flaws of society and the act of deviance is really subjective in everyone eyes.
The endless conflict between what is right and what is wrong. The agony faced by parent of both couple, and everyone search of the true definition of deviance, made it into a show not to be missed…
Labeling theory refers to placing a particular label onto a person and treating that person according to the particular label, and sooner or later that people will tend to conform toward that labeling. It is something like a self fulfilling prophecy.
That's just like, hmmm, a person who is being labeled as a criminal will be treated with distrust in the society. Friends and families will abandon him, and in the end he can only seek refuge with people with the similar labeling. With the constant influence from these people, it will be highly likely for him to commit crime. It is something like a viscous cycle whereby a person will be trapped within. Maybe that's what people say by once a thief, always a thief....
Okay now back to the story... the following is my childhood story...
When I was in primary school, most of my relatives always give me the impression that they are giving me a negative label, a child that don't like to study... Maybe it because of the many wrongs things I had done when I was young. Then it was PSLE. I did very badly for my PSLE, scoring only 208(if i don't remember wrongly), almost can't get into any of the 12 school of my choice. Luckily with my result, I still manage to get into Bedok View Secondary School as a express student. At that time, I was under lots of pressure and negative feedback from around me; I just can feel it, although no one had really said anything back then. It was because my brother had scored relatively well in his PSLE 3 years ago, my cousin also did well for his PSLE too, thus by adding everything up, it really makes me feel like a loser....
The effect of labeling starting to take effect, I start to lost interests in studies, and was always in the last express class for the whole of my 4 years in Bedok View. It was I guess a self fulfilling prophecy:
Labeled as weak student= lost interesting studies= studies suffered= people label you as weak student
There you see! It was really a self fulfilling prophecy that caused my plight back then. And the price: the lost of opportunities as a result… I lost the opportunity of studying pure science back then, in which limited my choice of courses in Junior College and Universities. Luckily in school, I was considered as deviance, which is defined as someone who does not conform to the norm. Back then the norm of my class was something that might not conform with today’s society now. At that time, our class was not a very good class, maybe even to the extent of being ‘marked’ by the teachers. However according to sociological term, I was badly socialized into the norm of the class. Although my studies were considered as bad as a whole, it was still above average.
My break comes during O level, when I, even though still did badly, but managed to get into Serangoon Junior College. In there it was like a new environment to me, everything seems different from Bedok View. Not a lot of people do smoke anymore, at least not within the school compound. Everyone seems to be more studious, and there is a greater desire to study and to learn. It was really like an upward mobility for me. Thus I believe from my personal experience that there are actually many people like me, being a victim of the Singapore’s educational system, as well as a victim of the labeling.
Many a time, I will think what I will become if I didn’t go to junior college. What if I can’t even get into Polytechnic? What if I cannot get into university? Will I turn into crime? Will I become a lowly clerk? Sometime all these thinking alone are enough to give me the creep and a sleepless night…
Hmmm actually come to think of it, the reason why I saying this story is because firstly I’m bored at studying, secondly I need a place to practice my sociological theories and concepts and lastly one of my friend told me that all my posts other than the one on Gan’ lack depth, so i decided to write sometime better. Haha anyway sorry for this lengthy post of mine and please mind my language…
(Disclaimer: I’m not saying Bedok View is bad, because it still housed some of my best memories, and I also met many of my friends and there are also very good students who managed to get into top JCs in Singapore. However the point is that I feel that Serangoon Junior College is still much better than Bedok View in term of its learning environment, and it definitely is the turning point of my life…)
A casio watch.....
..... shoes from one of the shops in bedok.....
and a laptop bag from Parkway Parade....
And the conclusion....
I'm must be crazy to spend so much money these day.... Really madness!!!!
Tired.....
I’m very tired lately..... Many projects dateline coming up as well as exams closing in in 3 weeks time... feeling very stress nowadays...
However that is not what that is wearing me down now lately… maybe it’s because it is something I have to face every year for the past 10+ years of my life…
The fatigue I guess is due to the many things that are happening to me now… Feeling sick and tired of it sometimes… and really running out of patient… Don’t really know how to face the something and someone but still have to treat as nothing had happen.... Haiz…… why is it happening to me again…
